‘You have a tumor on your brain’
Tulsa, Oklahoma, is a wonderful place to live, but not so friendly to people with allergies. Those who live in “Green Country” can testify. For roughly 18 months, I treated sinus pressure with a constant supply of nasal spray and Sudafed, and even antibiotics. Looking back, I was quite frustrated and annoyed by this daily battle with the pressure that was in my head. Little did I know, it had nothing to do with allergies, let alone sinuses.
One evening on vacation with my family, I experienced partial loss of my vision. That felt like something that required more than Sudafed, so I reached out to my doctor. I am mildly claustrophobic, so you can imagine my excitement when he scheduled an MRI. The day after my scans, he knocked on my office door at the church. I was supposed to visit his office. For him to come to mine, I knew something was wrong. We sat down, and he told me eight life-changing words: “You have a meningioma tumor on your brain.”
My tumor was quite large and put me at high risk of a stroke. It had also caused a dangerous degree of swelling on my brain. For those reasons, I needed surgery. Only 35 days after my MRI, a few days before my 40th birthday, I had a craniotomy for intracranial neoplasm excision. God had been so incredibly kind and gracious to me leading up to surgery, and continues to be during my recovery. I have felt the love of Christ through the presence of my family, friends, neighbors, and church. Even on my most miserable days, I still felt spoiled rotten as I considered all that God had provided for me. Every testimony is full of tests, and this is the hardest one I’ve ever faced. However, if you told me that I could rewind time and have a clear MRI scan, I wouldn’t take it. Through all the shock, pain, struggles, swelling, sleepless nights, and post-op symptoms, I have experienced God’s love and presence in ways I never had before.
I’ve read James 1 countless times, but it hits differently after brain surgery. Verse two reads, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” Pure joy when life is hard? How counterintuitive! When I’m afraid, disappointed, and discouraged… joy? When I want to complain, gripe, and feel sorry for myself… joy? When I’m angry or confused by life’s curveballs… joy? What is James thinking?!
I have not felt joyful about my swelling, or all the medication I’ve been on, or the way a tumor interrupted my life. I haven’t slapped a fake smile on my face and pretended that brain surgery is all roses and daisies. I’ve been honest with God, myself, and others. This journey has been hard. Really hard. But I have felt joy. Pure joy.
James 1:3 implies that the testing of our faith produces perseverance. The King James Version of this verse uses the word “patience” instead of perseverance. Patience is helpful when my kids don’t clean their rooms, or when a person in front of me is driving under the speed limit. James is talking about much more than patience. In the original language, he uses a word that conveys a constant endurance while holding fast to one’s faith in Christ. That constant endurance is what God uses to mature us, complete us, and give us something that we lack (verse 4). This process is something we can be joyful about!
Due to steroid-induced myopathy and inactivity following surgery, my legs were very weak. To regain my strength, I started walking with the help of my wife or one of my children. At first, I made it to the mailbox. Then the stop sign. Eventually, I was strong enough to walk solo. Kind of like Forrest Gump, I just keep walking until I feel like I’m done. My longest route is 10 miles. It is on those walks where God has taught me that perseverance is not just a discipline, but also a delight. I never think, “I have to walk” to regain my strength. Instead, “I get to walk,” and maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to walk farther than I did today.
Brothers and sisters in Christ, whatever trial you are facing today, keep walking. Persevere. As God is maturing and completing you, pure joy is yours! And remember, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12). One day, we will exchange our crutches for crowns! What a glorious day that will be!