Pre-Socratics Struggle in Tournament

by Phil Johnson

Text: “Bodily exercise profiteth little.” Paul of Tarsus 
Motto: The real game is the game you are in.

Pietisten’s Sport Prophet, its Sport Reporter, and two Angolan colleagues teamed up as the Pre-Socratics and “took it to the streets” in the Minnesota Timberwolves 3-on-3 Basketball Tournament on Saturday, August 3.

While the other teams were getting in all the warm-up shots they could, the Pre-Socratics huddled on the pavement reviewing the teachings of their namesakes. They did so at the insistence of the elder member of the team who thought this novel approach would bring beneficial results. To further insure the possibilities in this direction, they enlisted, Stavrosh, a genuine Greek, as coach.

Unfortunately, clearer knowledge of Thales, Anaximander, Anaximides, Heraclitus, and Parmenidies did not seem to count in the final score. In the first game, a team named the Scrubs, which went on to win the division, nudged the Pre-Socratics 15-13. This was followed by a humiliating loss to Doody, putting the thinkers in the “Last Chance” bracket.

Deciding to set philosophy aside, the Pre-Socratics headed for a park in South Minneapolis to take advantage of a three-hour break by playing basketball. They played with abandon and returned to the streets of Minneapolis to take on the Bulls. This was a high moment for the erstwhile philosophers. They defeated the Bulls 15-11 to move on to the finals of the Last Chance bracket against Three Brothers and Another.

At this point, the Pre-Socratics were heavy favorites. The Airborne Angolan, Paulo Diarra, had hit his stride against the Bulls, Eric Johnson had begun to hit the extra-point shot, Eddie Machado’s balloon-sized lip, courtesy the Scrubs, was returning to normal, and it looked like the ancient veteran, Phil Johnson, was ready for one more go.

Alas, between philosophy and an afternoon at the park, the Pre-Socratics had forgotten their stomachs. As they began to weaken, the siblings and their friend, cheered on by wives and families, came back to close the book on the philosophers with a final extra-point shot.

More than 300 teams engaged each other on the streets of downtown Minneapolis and, likely, there is other sports news issuing from their play. Such news was of no interest to the Pre-Socratics as they putted out of downtown in an old Omni. They were just happy that they had the consolations of philosophy and the prospects of food ahead of them.